You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize