your room smells of hookers.
And success
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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