college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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