Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
