Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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