I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
