im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
