It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
