There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We got so high we made milksteak
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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