Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
