I wish I could teleport
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
