one two three fourrrrnication!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
