3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
