i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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