Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
