we have pet lesbian snakes
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
