Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize