i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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