our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
