last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
