I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
