So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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