haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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