your room smells of hookers.
And success
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you had me at cake vodka
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
