The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
