I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So much rum. So many feels.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
