Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
