I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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