I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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