Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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