wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
