I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize