Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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