Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
