On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
