Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
