I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
