I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
