I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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