hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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