she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize