3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
