I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
