Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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