Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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