i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
