In the future we'll all be gay
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize