the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
