for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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