i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
