she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
