You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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