Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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