I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My pussy is not your playground.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
