Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
