ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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