Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
