Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
