oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
