I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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