Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
