Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
