i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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