Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're too hungover to prance.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
