There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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